Today's happy thought is completely based in consumerism.



Do want!

My newest sets of nightmares involve suffocation. I've had many many drowning dreams (and other forms of suffocation) of late and always wake up amid an adrenaline rush, completely freaking out and unable to go back to sleep for a long while.

sigh.

i still want a baby hammock. i found a kickass one on spot's corner with a price that can't be beat. oh the dramaz in my hizzouse.

john still doesn't think it's a good idea, but like my car, i think this time i'm putting my foot down and getting what i want. since i'm used to that, and all, you'd think it would always be the case but guess who is now regretting not going ahead with the belly henna? and a myriad of other things. because i listen to the reason and logic he provides and forget about what i want.

well not about this, damn it.

i want a freaking baby hammock! i mean, how awesome is this?

Playstation 1 controllers
Purple and green silk roses
Metal counter wine rack

i have no idea why writing in here is becoming less and less important.
is it that keeping a livejournal for eight years, nine years, whatever, has become stale?
does this mean i won't be able to "blog" for a living?

i don't know. i do know that i don't feel the urge to bitch and complain about my life and my partner and every little thing, as i've been known to do, but i don't know if that's because there is less to bitch about, i'm making a concerted effort to be more grateful and appreciative rather than pissy and critical, or things are the same and i'm just too exhausted to replay them when the day is done.

it might be a combination of all three. life with a toddler and a baby is so consuming that i really, really, t-r-u-l-y envy all you busy mamas that have more kids than i do, or just as many, but closer in age that manage to keep up with the photos and the housekeeping and the dinner and homeschooling and the this and the that.

i just can't comprehend it. one day i was telling john how our three year old asked why i never paint his finger or toenails and john's response was something along the lines of, well, he's with you all day and so he naturally identifies with you and if mama's toenails are painted, why not his? and i'm like, really? are you shitting me? i don't think i've had the time or inclination to paint my toenails but maybe twice since the three year old was born. ha!

but this will all change. i am taking more time for myself. or making more time, something like that. starting tomorrow. or something like that. no, but really.

i want to paint my toenails. i want to stop using my "i've tried to adopt a more natural, healthy lifestyle" excuse to look dumpy and frumpy. i don't think i'll take to plastering on the make-up again (even mineral) before i leave the house, but i want pretty toenails. and moisturized feet. when my sister commented on my heels the other day and said i just needed lotion, which isn't true, i laughed. then she said, no really, you just have to put lotion on everyday and i wanted to tell her to have some kids and then talk to me about having time to apply lotion to oneself. on a daily basis. by the time i was her age, i had a two year old. i was living on my own. i was working and going to community college full time. i still managed to go out and party a lot and somehow over the years i got tired. really fucking tired. of trying. of looking good. of making time for myself. and it shows, oh god does it show. for years i told myself i was okay with it, this is what moms do. my "me time" became wasting time on the internet.

i want to paint my toenails. i want to feel better and do better by myself. i don't know how i'm going to make all of this happen but spending less time online is step one.

I urge you to celebrate with a nice cup of tea. And a rifle.



"Whatever they want, you don't have to give."

With all the usual partisan, and non partisan, and secular, and non secular bickering, greed, corruption, torture, graft, and stupidity. Its sometimes hard to take a step back and think of the good your country/nation has done both for its people and that its ideal is indeed what we should strive for.

Nobody (including myself) strives hard enough. Everyone is too lost in the ant like running about and instant gratification kneejerk reacting to really do what it is that we should really try and do.

And what that is, is to find a wrong, and work to make it right. Anything other than that is just being a cog in a broken machine!

So go fourth this independence day knowing that the Declaration of Independence, Was not some toothless meaningless myspace post about somebody's bowel movements! It was an attempt a shot in the dark (with many fired before it) that tried to change something. It was not meant to be a warm and fuzzy thing, we were going to war with the worlds most mighty empire! It was obvious that even of England just blockaded us for our impudence many were likely to die, and if they lifted a musket what chance did a few setters and a few poorly trained militia do?

I often think the 4th should be a much more somber occasion, The bbq's and family get together's and fireworks, are all supposed to be so happy and disconnected form the blood and gore that was to follow. But as I grow older I realize that if you take the time to reflect on the meaning, there is no harm in taking the best from it, and celebrating it!

What wrong is your life, your comfort, your vary safety worth risking to fix?

Im told that there may be no power at the APC, so they may not open.

but then again, nobody even said they thought they could make it, although S. Indicated she would try dropping in.

i will be there ether way.

In case you're arriving late, here is the totally ridiculous teaser trailer from last year.

Here are the first 10 minutes of gameplay, broken up into two videos:

i am loving life, but not the structurally unsound shape my body is in.

last night my right hip socket ached so bad, i haven't felt pain like that since i was pregnant. i could hardly move or get out of bed (again). i stretch to feel better and because i want to be strong enough to start doing yoga again but i always feel worse after.

no, i still haven't made an appointment with a chiropracter and the baby is almost three months old.

how did that happen? i'm serious. just as i begin to accept that it's a new year, half of it is gone. my mom and step dad just celebrated their 20 year wedding anniversary. i feel old.

my wrist is jacked but overall i'm happy. i'm loving life. i'm making the best of the small house situation. i got a sexy new bookshelf and i turned down john's offer to get cable. i can think of a lot better things to spend (or not spend) $60 a month on and i don't want to be more reliant on sitting on my arse or plopping my kid in front of the TV.

this year, after the decluttering phase is done (and hopefully done for good on this mass-scale, and kept manageable afterward) i plan on practicing on my sewing machine. just doing it. maybe taking a class at hobby lobby but just going head-on. i've waited for years for someone to show me, to help me, and it's never happened, meanwhile ideas pile up in my head and projects that need mending pile up in my closet. i will also learn to crochet as a way to accent my knitting. and i will paint and actually open up that etsy shop i started four years ago. that's my plan.

Free Love Seat. Pick it up before next weekend.

It is an ugly color, but clean and free of catness.

apparently paypal has a new policy whereby there's a 21 day hold on payments received for items sold via ebay.

WTF.

via kiken, I have discovered Fireball, a series of 13 one-and-a-half-minute-long CG shorts created by Disney and Toei for the Disney Channel in Japan.

This is the first one, and you can find the others from its "related videos".

Today I did triple-beat weave with two veils while teaching a gal in bellydance class how to do it.

The weird part was that using just veils worked. I'm not sure what the hell-I always have had in my head that poi needs weight at the end, but I was wrong.

for avery:
OMG plastic toy!!!

i'd rather not, but he's obsessed and i'd rather not give him zachery's old legos which would be BIG HUGE choking hazard for evan.

for evan:
OMG might as well be plastic because it's still synthetic!!! but it makes the darn coolest melodies, even by someone as musically uninclined as myself.

he's also getting a wooden bowl and some wooden spoons as well as the thinkbaby dishes which are incredibly expensive but also VERY awesome. and the price doesn't hurt so much when drugstore.com has offers like $20 off a $65 order if you use paypal, combined with free shipping. i like that!

i have no idea what to get zachery or john but it's going to be a slim year because each year, that's just what happens, and we have no room for lots of crap. i really want to get the willow toys wooden castle but not this year. there's no way i can squeeze it into the sunroom now that i've finally got art/office space in there for myself. maybe when avery and evan are 5 and 2? it might be more appropriate then and we might have a larger home by then.