I've lost all of my phone numbers. I've decided, this time, to finally back them up somewhere safe, so please EMAIL me your number if you would like me to have it.

caitfish at gmail dot com

Thank you for taking the time to do this!
I can't currently get picture messages, but that should be remedied by Friday.

I bought a new phone a while back, and realized that I had almost noone saved on my SIM card. So I need everyone who can to give me their contact info, lika dis (you can exclude whatever info you don't feel like giving me):

First name
Last name
Nickname
Phone # w/area code
Birthday
Email Addy
Mailing address

All comments are screened, and will be deleted after I get the info anyway so that they can't be unscreened later.

Thanks!

The best song to listen to while driving away from a roller derby scrimmage in which your team (skating 4 of 12 skaters short) beats the defending undefeated champions (skating with their full game lineup) by 50 points, in the middle of an incredible lightening storm, on the interstate with the best vantage, towards a delicious Frontier breakfast burrito...

TV on the Radio's "Wolf Like Me"...

So, on that note - who is coming to the fucking game this weekend, hmm??? Five dolla make you holla, you know the drill. Please note that it DOES NOT conflict with the Greg and the AJBs birthday whoosit - which starts at 8. Our game ends at 6. Come get your bloodlust slaked and then go be debaucherous. Mmk? It's been a shitty coupla weeks and I could REALLY use your support. Bring your friends. Please. I want everyone to cheer for us if we beat the Douchedames for the first time EVER!

It's funny, I would say than I enjoyed reading Stumbling on Happiness, and I certainly read it quickly for my standards, which usually must mean that I'm interested in a book - but I'm left with an increasing feeling of disappointment. Why?

Well, first, I'm under the impression (now that the cascade of facts has rubbed out of my head a little) that he was using a lot of explanations of research to cover some big holes in his thesis, and while at several points he pointed out studies which seem to confirm the opposite of what he was contending, I don't think he did this with the bigger, and more truly contentious issues that I see cropping up with his thesis...

(Seriously, if I have to read "studies suggest" or "research demonstrates" one more time...)

For example, his thesis that all basic human needs come down to the pursuit of happiness. This became especially troubling to me as I processed the kinds of studies he cited. It seems that in most cases, 'happiness', 'satisfaction' or 'pleasure' were the qualities being rated - but he never made a convincing case that attainment of those qualities is what leads to a *fulfilling* human life. Indeed, he brushes off moralists altogether with such a passive mention that he creates the illusion of authority for his position. I was convinced while reading, but now I see all sorts of little examples of pursuits which are decidedly not pleasurable or happy-making but which are still fulfilling, in fact, I would say - some of the most fulfilling of all. Listening to sad music, doing grueling labor and feeling utterly exhausted, having a challenging argument (which you do not win but which causes you to think), any sort of AWE at all... where do these experiences fit into the spectrum of his analysis? Gilbert would say that our "psychological immune system" springs into action to protect us from the fact that these experiences are in fact, unpleasant - a kind of cognitive dissonance alleviating instinct - but that doesn't hit on it at all. These acts themselves are fulfilling, experiences which suggest to us more awful or awesome sensations can floor us utterly, without our emotions ever approaching 'happiness' or 'pleasure'. Indeed, the fact that he is so dismissive of 'ennobling' pursuits throws a big ol' wrench in the super-scientific facade he cultivates so carefully. After all, if these experiences exist, it is irresponsible to disregard them simply because they don't fit into this happy-centric ontology.

What about the, "I'm only happy when it rains" mentality? Seriously, what about sad songs and awe?

I understand why he did it... he even outlines some possible deliniations for the many experiences which we call "happiness" - and he didn't want his book to get bogged down in one of the most difficult semantic arguments of all time. But really, I think that there are two separate issues here:

1. The fact that "happiness" is an extremely ambiguous word.
2. The fact that there are experiences OUTSIDE of the pursuit of hedonistic pleasure which he refuses to address.

He addresses the first point and disguises it as a refutation (though he admits, a weak and contentious one) of the second.

What's shocking to me in both of these cases is that these are both either methods I would say that I approve of (the research-heavy style), or a position that I would say I strongly agreed ('pursuit of happiness' thesis) with before reading this book. I think that he's managed to talk me out of his own position, one which I used to share!

**Edit**
Note to self: re-read JS Mill and detractors. Apparently I don't remember a damned thing about utilitarianism...

Or maybe I do and Mill's definition of satisfaction wasn't as narrow as Gilberts'.

By the way, isn't the text limit on Goodreads' review section annoying?


Review of Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert



April 2007, first impression: So far, this book is witty, eye-opening and really fun. Also really well researched. He references Daniel C. Dennett in the first five pages, so how could I not love it?

May 2007, upon completion: Update...

Ultimately, I decided to give this book three stars because I believe that it is a ballsy and well-executed attempt to take on an impossibly difficult problem (happiness - that's a biggie). For the most part, I admire Gilbert's methods, though they ALL become incredibly frustrating somewhere around page 200. The book is witty, incredibly well researched, and Gilbert is (mostly) unwilling to extrapolate the massive amounts of data he compiles into proscriptive solutions for finding happiness.

Fortunately, these make the book:

* pretty easy to follow
* informative and enlightening (if you're not already familiar with most of the research - some of the psychological effects he outlines are well-known to the point of being cliché, but many are either head-scratchers or jaw-droppers on their own merits or are interpreted here in interesting ways which bolster his mostly critical (rather than constructive) thesis)
* very NOT another preachy or rosy-tinted self-help franchise (yet).

Unfortunately:

* the tone ultimately makes the book repetitive and tiresome (much like being in the room with an otherwise intelligent person who laughs a little too much at their own jokes)
* the research often obfuscates rather than elucidates already fuzzy points (again, he makes his criticisms clear, but sometimes it's unclear what he is actually trying to *say* by pointing them out)
* for most of the book it seems as though he's really verging on some great ideas, but doesn't want to stick his neck out for them, which leaves the reader exhausted trying to generate their own implications and solutions for the problems he identifies...

( Like anybody smart enough to recognize their faults but not disciplined enough to censor them... )

About a month ago, I ran across a site that let you create taggable hierarchies of to-do lists and project lists. It was web-based, no software to download, free registration, et c... at the time I thought that it might be neat to try, but now I'm juggling so much with my home league duties and WFTDA duties (Woments Flat Track Derby Association - the national governing body for flat-track derby) that I absolutely NEED it. I liked the interface and the functionality of this particular site, but now I can't remember what it was called and I'm having a ton of trouble finding it. Can anyone help me???

Also, we won the season opener today, it was something like Hobots 89, D.I.A. 142 - I had the pleasure of rounding the scoreboard past 100 during one of my jams. It wasn't my best game, but my team played so well. Thank you to everyone who came out and supported us today. I hope more people will come to the Doomsdames vs. D.I.A. game next month. It's gonna be a barn-burner, and I think that this is the first time any team in the league has a very real shot and beating them. (Not that it would be even close to easy, but I really believe that we have a shot.)

Today, Midnight Rodeo (San Mateo and McLeod). Doors at 3pm, game at 4pm. Hobots vs. DIA in the 2007 home season opener. Both teams have undergone major development and restructuring in the travel season, as has the venue (see: better views of the track!). The teams are faster, smarter and much harder hitting. This is not a game that you should miss.

If you don't already have your ticket, they'll be $7 at the door tomorrow. Free raffle tickets to the first 200 through the door.

And I have a new uniform, don't you want to come just to see that? :b

This is my third month working overnight at a shelter for homeless men. It's a nice place, and for the most part I'm impervious to the kind of sad stuff that's just par for the course here. But just now I was doing wakeups. This little old man was sitting at the breakfast table by himself, tons of bottles of medication piled up in front of him. I said good morning, but he didn't hear me, he was so intent on what he was doing. He was trying to button the cuff of his flannel shirt. He was looking at his fingers like he didn't understand them or something, kind of looking at them like he expected them to work and was sad that they didn't, and that he couldn't control them. I went back out after another five minutes or so and he was still trying to button his shirt, over and over. He doesn't have anything, he doesn't have anyone, and he can't even button his fucking shirt.

Would you ask him if he wanted help? I can't imagine not being able to do something like that and then having some stupid kid ask me if I wanted help. I would rather be dead, or sit there for three hours and do it myself.




*Edit* Feist's new album makes it kind of better, though. Lots of snapping and clapping, both happy noises.

I'll bite. Narcissism whut whut.


Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

Hey geeks - I need your help again. Duke City Derby is having some trouble establishing and maintaining a website that reflects us well, is informative, and most importantly - is easy to add content to.

Basically, we're a bunch of dumb jocks (or smart jocks who don't have time). I haven't done web design in... gah, years, and I'm afraid that I would end up making something simple endlessly complex, messy, and difficult to update.

So, are any of you willing to help us hammer something out? What we want the website to look like is like this:

http://www.gothamgirlsrollerderby.com/

You can see our painfully out-of-date website here:
http://www.dukecityderby.com

with the same sorts of content and features. We'll develop all of the content, of course, we just need help with layout and design, and most importantly, we need someone to train one of us (me!) to update the damned thing and create archives of older content (though ideally this would be automatic, too).

I'm a quick-picker-upper and a fast-good-learner, so I'll try to make this as quick and painless as possible for anyone who volunteers.

Also, I'm pretty sure I can wrangle a couple of season passes out of the league for your trouble.

Takers?

Hello beloved but neglected LJ friends (and 3-D friends I haven't seen in awhile). I thought that I would drop in and post an update, for those who were curious about the dark inner-workings of my super-mysterious and exciting life. *snort*  Just a coupla recent things, then I'll post more later, probably photos from the last few months.



More later.

Still Life with Woodpecker always makes me feel better - probably because I like to think of my ideal self as a cross between princess Leigh-Cheri (redheaded Aries woman, who rebels against a conservative heritage with progressive idealism - at least until she meets the man who turns her head to libertarian sensibilities) and the Woodpecker (a reckless, akward and unapologetic miscreant - and because those libertarian sensibilities were always mine to begin with!). Also because it's a guileless, ecstatic fairytale that laughs in the face of our overwhelmingly cynical culture.

I can't believe that I'm missing the snow. I'll be back tomorrow - though it may take me all day to get there.

It's short, it's long-overdue, it's probably the last in a long time (but maybe not!) - it's a little new years' post.

This year, though more trying than (I think) any before it, has also been the most successful - hands down. I know what it is to have friends, live really well, take care of someone and be taken care of, be a success at something that matters to me (and realize that that's not enough) and to let go of many things which simply didn't matter, forgive and be forgiven. I've realized that no matter how many dreams you let go of, new ones are always cropping up. I know what real challenges are now, and I know that I can be okay - be really great - in spite of everyone, everything, and myself. I know what real goals are. I know what it is to love - and it has nothing to do with any boy, thank god. I found my family, made it bigger, won and lost, starved and thrived - the whole, big expanse of experience. I really like myself now, body, soul, heart and mind - I like myself enough to know the ways in which all of those areas need to improve (and I'm not afraid of any of it).

Now, I think - I'll spend the next year getting exactly what I want. Experience, travel, love, service to the people who have served me. The little goals that used to seem so out of my reach have become trivial. I know that this is what life's supposed to be, and I feel truly sorry for anyone who hasn't lived the kind of year that I have. Viva 2007!

Happy New Year!

(Special year-end thank-yous go to Gabe, Greg, Lamaia, Nathan, Ben Jones, Bethany, Becca, Dahmer, Carson, my sister and my Grandparents... maybe I'll expound later, but to all of you, thank you. Someday I'll find a way to make up for all of my mistakes and be as much help and inspiration as you've been to me.)

Attention geek squad: I have a favor to ask of you for a friend of mine. I know that a lot of you will roll your eyes at this, but I would appreciate any help as I love this person to death and have talked all of you up so much that I would hate them to be disappointed in your technical prowess. Wouldn't you? Said person owns a company, and will probably be quite happy to compensate you if the answer to this question requires very much time at all. If not, I would be so happy if you would condescend to help us. Here's the emailz:

"C-

Do you know anyone who can program in BASIC or PASCAL? The reason why I ask you this archaic question is that I would like to use these old languages to do the intro of a website of a friend of mine. I need more than anything an example of the old-old school way of running your name across the screen infinitely. I know, very stodgy, but could make a nice effect."

Thanks!

* EDIT - GOD you people are quick. DON'T YOU HAVE LIVES??? (andpsIloveyouverymuchandthankyougoodnight)*

Roller Rivals
Brutal competitors go head to head on the track at the Duke City Derby's first Season Championship
By Marisa Demarco

View the article online at the Alibi's page.

Neither Kamikaze Kim nor Muffin have illusions about their assets..or their liabilities.

"I have more speed than a bigger girl," says Kim Saito, jammer for the Doomsdames. "I get knocked around a lot easier."

Saito, 31, is about 5 feet tall and weighs in at around 110 pounds. Her rival, the Derby Intelligence Agency's Caitlin Krause (aka Muffin), is 22 years old, 175 pounds and has about six inches of height on Saito. But Muffin, too, knows her rival well. "She can slip through smaller holes than I can," Krause says of Saito. "Her center of gravity is lower, so she stays up." But Krause can take harder hits, "and I deliver harder hits." They're heading into the Duke City Derby's Season Championship on Saturday, Oct. 14, as crowd favorites.

So what's a jammer? It works like this:

At the start of a "jam," or short race, a whistle blows and four blockers from each team begin skating. Another whistle blows, and the jammers begin skating. Their job is to get through the pack of blockers while at the same time preventing their opponent from doing so. Breaking through the pack is how they score.

"My favorite analogy," says Krause, "is that it's like any sport where there's a ball, but in this case, the jammer is the ball." Jammers are passed around by teammates and hit by opponents. Though teams usually have three or four primary jammers, Muffin and Kamikaze Kim have become the main scorers for their teams. And they differ in more than size.

Krause is a showboater, a ham. "It annoys everyone in the league, but the crowd loves it," she says. She blows kisses to the pack if she makes an easy pass. If she slips by the blockers unnoticed, she's been known to pantomime an exaggerated, shocked face to the audience. Saito, on the other hand, lets her skating do the talking. Her showmanship, she says, is rooted in her skill, her tricks, her agility. "Muffin's a great competitor," Saito says. "Whenever we skate against each other, we're skating to win. We're skating to kill each other. It pushes me to skate harder."

In spite of their contrasting approaches and attitudes, Muffin and Kamikaze Kim have one thing in common..they fear injury.

"It's terrifying," says Krause. The Doomsdames boast a blocker named Bullet Tooth Tracy that's got a rep nationwide. At RollerCon, a national convention, Tracy put a girl in the hospital off a completely legal hit, Krause says. "They all have worked so hard," she adds. "At any given practice, there's more Doomsdames than anyone else. They win because they are a team of great players."

Injuries are always in the back of Saito's mind as well. "There are a lot of girls in our league who are playing on really bad knees. Injuries are there, and they're very real. I worry about it but try not to let it paralyze me."

The Doomsdames will roll into the match undefeated. They've faced the DIA twice this season and emerged victorious both times. Krause knows Saito's stats and is intimately familiar with her skill level. About a month ago, Krause and Saito spent a few weeks training together as part of the league's travel team, the Muñecas Muertas, which reigned victorious over the 5280 Fight Club in Denver. Fight Club took the "Dead Dolls" to the wire before resigning to defeat, 108-91, on Sept. 30. As an added benefit, training side by side gave Krause and Saito a pretty close look at each other's weaknesses. Since the co-training was so recent, "Nobody's had any time to develop any new tricks," Krause says.

For all their tough talk, there's a lot of mutual respect between the Doomsdames and the Derby Intelligence Agency, according to Saito. "The games we've played against each other have always been the greatest games."

Season Championship: Doomsdames vs. DIA
Saturday, Oct. 14
Club Fantasia/Midnight Rodeo
4901 McLeod NE
Doors open at 3 p.m. Bout starts at 4 p.m.
Tickets are $5 in advance and $7 at the door. Kids 12-and-under get in free.
Advance tickets for sale at dukecityderby.com or at Free Radicals at 2215 Lead SE.

I made the all-star travel team again this year! That means that I'll get to bout with girls from other leagues. Our first away game is at the end of this month, after our home game versus the Ho-Bots (September 16) is in Denver versus the Denver Fight Club on September 30th! Then, on November 11th we have a bout with the Pikes Peak girls on our home turf, with future bouts to be announced through the off-season.

I'm mostly thrilled to be working with the best of our league, many of the girls that I've been fighting all season will now be helping me. I can't wait to work with all of them, Bullit Tooth Tracy, Kamikaze Kim, Erica, Dahmer... everybody! Hurray!

Alright, alright - I'm a little crazy thrilled about this because DAMN it's been a long time since I've finished knitting anything, especially something of this size and difficulty - and it's so pretty and I love it and and...

I guess all of this downtime in Roswell has been good for something.



( Wanna see...? (Dailup beware...) )

Well, I went ahead and made my journal friends-only. If you can't see the posts before this one and would like to, comment here to be added.

Brasington's Ninth Law: A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned one will take only twice as long.

This is a list of the sewing, knitting and crocheting projects currently being created with pointy things. Also - those I wish to create and those with materials currently in line. I'll add it as a memory and link to it in my profile, so it will be updated as I make progress. If you want to see a completed project or a photo of the planned project, click on the name of the project. For completed project, this link will go to an entry with photos and project details.


Completed Projects - 11

Sweaters and sweaterlike things:
Hooded Pullover from VK Spring '05
16 Balls of Trendsetters "Spiral" in Copper/Copper

Gyrid
From Elsebeth Lavold's Viking Knits Collection V1
5 Skeins designer's choice silky wool in color 7 (goldish)
Size US 4 and 6 needles

One Skein Wonder
From Glampyre knits
1 skein of recycled silk sari yarn
Size 8 circs

Yoke Vest from Loop-D-Loop By Teva Durham
3 Skeins of Lamb's Pride Bulky Spun in black
Size 13 29" Circs

Rosedale United
From Knitty
Size 8 Circs (80cm), Size 8 Dpn's
11 Skeins Noro Kureyon, color 128


Scarves:

Potato Chip Scarf

Crazy long B&W Rectangle Scarf
My own design

Basket weave scarf:
Size 8 Circs
CO 28 stitches
Manos Del Uruguay, Color 107 "Sage" 2 Skeins
"MANOS del URUGUAY (Hands of Uruguay) is a cooperative of over 1000 artisans scattered throughout the countryside of Uruguay. The cooperative was formed to bring economic and social opportunities to rural women."
BEAUTIFUL YARN!

Another Manos Scarf
Pavilion pattern
Size 8 Crystal Palace bamboo straights
2 skeins Manos del Urugauy in "Stellar"


Hats:
Little Devil Hat
KittyVille
Brown Sheep Naturespun
1 Skein Red Fox
Size 7 Circs, DPNs

Fraggle hat
No pattern
1 skein of Colinette wool/cotton blend in colorway 71.
Size 10.5 circs

Cabled Hat
1/2 Skein of Lamb's Pride worsted in some purplish color.
Size 8 circs


Socks:
Pippi Kneestockings
From Stitch 'n' Bitch
1 Skein of Opal sock yarn in Lollipop
1 card of orange elastic string
Size 2&3 DPNs


Bags:
Booga J Bag
3 Skeins Noro Kureyon in 124
Size 10.5 circs and DPNs


Stuff?
Rowan's Freda Mini Poncho (Now a Capelet)
4 balls of Rowan Cork in a Deep Mauvey color
Completed o6/20/2004






( Projects )